[CHUCKLES] Jokes thread

[urbanlegend]

This pastor decided to skip church one Sunday morning and go play golf.
He told his assistant that he wasn't feeling well. He drove to a golf course in another city, so nobody would know him.

He teed off on the first hole. A huge gust of wind caught his ball, carried is an extra hundred yards and dropped it right in the hole, for a 450 yard hole in one.

An angel looked at God and said "What'd you do that for?" God smiled and said "Who's he going to tell?"

[Franksdomains]

Condom packaging
Do you know why high schoolers buy condoms in 2 packs?
.
No?
.
For Friday night and Saturday night.

Do you now why college kids buy condoms in 4 packs?
.
No?
.
For Thursday night, Friday night, Saturday night, and Sunday
.
.
Do you know why married men buy condoms in 12 packs?
.
No?
.
January, February, March, April, May, June.....

[GlennfromLA]

A woman got naked lay on the floor her boyfriend said to her, what are you doing lying on the hard floor, aren't you coming to bed?
She replies I want to feel something hard tonight!

[ispdn]

"I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time," a husband says to his wife. She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, "Your penis is bigger than your brother's."

[fantastico]

Two grandmothers were bragging about their grand children.

One of them says to the other, “Mine are so good at social distancing, they won’t even call me!”

[AlexO]

Three older men are undergoing a memory test at the doctor's office. The Doctor asks, "What is three times three?"
The first man answers, "274."
The second man answers, "Tuesday."
The third man answers, "Nine."
The doctor pleasantly surprised at the third man's correct response, inquires, "Great! How did you get that answer?"
"Simple. Just subtract 274 from Tuesday."

[TheButcher]

This is no joke, a few of our friends were over for drinks, yes I was having my non-alcohol Becks (which I like) and one of the guys has just started dating this woman, I don't know what he was thinking but I guess he wanted to talk about sex with her, so he asked this question. Hey where is the most unusual place you have had sex. So everyone chimed in and his new found girlfriend said "In the ass"

We all burst out laughing.

[24alex]

A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast.

"You aren't so good in bed either!", he shouted and stormed off to work.

By mid morning, he decided he'd better make amends and called home. "What took you so long to answer?"

"I was in bed."

"What were you doing in bed this late?"

"Getting a second opinion!"

[T.B.W]

This made me laugh





Why do women have nipples?
To make suckers out of men.

[TheButcher]

This made me laugh





Why do women have nipples?
To make suckers out of men.

LOL so true brotha

[dom_trev]

Mowing the grass.

One Saturday afternoon, I was sitting on my porch, drinking a beer and watching my wife mow the lawn. The lady from across the street was so outraged that she came over and shouted at me, "You should be hung."

I calmly replied, "I am. That's why she cuts the grass."

[AlexO]

"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!"


I told her to get her own umbrella.

[Big MOE]

Mondays are like prostate exams.

A pain in the ass, but at least they only happen once per week.

[Emil]

Give me the mean and rude jokes the vanilla jokes never make me laugh

Happy Valentines night to all the single peeps here, steak and masturbation night for me again

[Julius]

This was on the radio this morning.

When an employment application asks who is to be notified in case of emergency?


I always write, “A very good doctor”.