[CHUCKLES] Jokes thread

[AlexO]

Have a nice Thursday




A man goes to the Doctor. After examining him says, “You have some problems with your heart but I think if you take some tablets you’ll be okay“, So the doctor gives him some tablets and the man asks “Do I have to take them every day?

“No“, “take one on Monday, skip the Tuesday, take one on Wednesday, skip the Thursday, and so on like that.“ Two weeks later the doctor is walking down the street and sees the patient’s wife. “Hello Mrs P.“ He says “And how is your husband?“

“He died of a heart attack,“ says Mrs P. “I am very sorry to hear that,” says the doctor, “I thought if he took those tablets he would be alright.“

“All the tablets were fine, “ says Mrs P. “It was all the skipping that killed him!“

[pussyhunter]

What’s the difference between a snowman and a snow woman?


Snowballs.

[AlexO]

Hello Monday



What’s the most depressing sound on Monday?
Alarm clocks.

[mybitches]

It if’s Wednesday, but it’s not raining, does that make it dry hump day?

[porntraveller]

How can you spot a blind man at a nude beach? It's not hard.

[Terry]

A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, "I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I"

[TheButcher]

Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," I said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... naked.

[vblogger]

Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," I said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... naked.

[Franksdomains]

Why did the employee bring a ladder to work on Monday? Because they heard it was a high-level meeting!

[notty]

I missed this place been busy working thanks for the email yesterday reminding me to swing by, here is one for the butcher,



Why don't butchers like dildos and tofu?
Because they are both meat substitutes.

[LuKenGas]

I missed this place been busy working thanks for the email yesterday reminding me to swing by, here is one for the butcher,



Why don't butchers like dildos and tofu?
Because they are both meat substitutes.

WB Notty check your trade with my site

[JustJoe]

This guy has a spare $10 that he decides to spend on his first hooker ever.

He goes out, he gets one, then he brings her home.

They have hours of hardcore sex. Then she leaves when he falls asleep.

The next morning, he wakes up and discovers that he has crabs, he goes and finds the hooker again and says, “Hey, Bitch, you gave me crabs!”

She replies, “Well for $10 what did you expect, Lobsters?”

[AlexO]

This guy has a spare $10 that he decides to spend on his first hooker ever.

He goes out, he gets one, then he brings her home.

They have hours of hardcore sex. Then she leaves when he falls asleep.

The next morning, he wakes up and discovers that he has crabs, he goes and finds the hooker again and says, “Hey, Bitch, you gave me crabs!”

She replies, “Well for $10 what did you expect, Lobsters?”

[Nakedtruth]

Yo momma so ugly, her dog closes his eyes when he humps her leg.

[AlexO]

What did Cinderella say to Prince Charming?


“Want to see if it fits?”